MET Office Shock: This Winter Will Almost Certainly be Cold

The MET Office have issued a statement warning that the south coast of Britain and the Isle of Wight will almost certainly experience a cold winter this year.

Initial doubts were subdued when MET Office chief Arthur Sutherland checked the barometer in his office.

“At first I didnt believe it, but after I checked the MET Office thermometer outside I discovered it was a nippy 3 degrees Celsius!” said Sutherland, “This is the last thing we were expecting!”

Islanders are similarly shocked at the seasonal turn of events.

“I have been wearing board shorts and flip-flops since March,” says Island resident Chad Turkington. “I was bracing myself for a toasty, warm Christmas and then they spring this news on me. I am furious!”

The MET Office has predicted it is highly likely that as winter gets closer, it will only get colder.

The Isle of Wight Council have reacted quickly to this news. Schools and offices will be shut upon the first reported sighting of a snowflake.

The Isle of Wight Police have issued the following statement to all Island residents:

“To ensure your safety and that of everyone around you, please inform your local police station upon any sighting of a snowflake. It is important that you do not approach the snowflake. Stay safely within your homes and ensure all doors and windows are locked, or you will slip and you will fall over.”

Bus services across the Island have already begun restricting services in preparation.

Roberto Bouillon, Head of Southern Vectis, outlined their plan of action, “We will be shutting our services down gradually, beginning now, and hope to have completely closed down by December 1st. That way there is absolutely no chance of a bus breaking down.”