Santas Ghetto Forced to Close

Dismay swept across the Isle of Wight yesterday as the Isle of Wight Council presented Santas Ghetto, Newport with a forced notice of closure.

Santas Ghetto provided festive patrons and their children with a place to relax after a hard day of Christmas shopping. Their facilities included the oppurtunity for children to meet Santa Claus, a baby-daycare centre, fully-stocked bar, strip-club (complete with Lambrini room), and more than adequate male and female toilets.

The Ghetto came under fire from the Isle of Wight Council soon after opening.

Cllr. Tony Snuffling said “It is a disgrace. That place is a medley of sleaze and scum. Christmas is a time to savour the finer things that the festive season brings, like family disputes and baffling perfume advertisements.”

Children are given the oppurtunity to sit on Santas knee at the Ghetto and tell him what they would like for Christmas, after which the child is given a present. 

Council members criticised the Ghetto after many children were presented with what they deemed to be questionable gifts. Timothy Little, 7, of Carisbrooke, was given an 18 year-old single malt scotch whiskey, and Emily Granger, 6, of Honeyhill, was given a twelve-piece set of gourmet steak knives.

Edward Cringle, owner of Santas Ghetto, defended his establishment in a recent statement. “People dont realise how much thought and effort goes into these gifts. We are in a world where because of the internet kids are much more mature, nobody appreciates a fine scotch and good steak as much as they do now.”