Olympics to Find a place for drugs in sport

The International Olympic Committee announced yesterday that it will be allowing drugs in many of its events in light of the recent scandals.

Sprinters Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell, who were tested positive for performance enhancing substances, provoked the International Olympic Committee to find a radical new way to reduce the amount of drug-use in sporting events.

The International Olympic Committee have made the decision to find a place for recreational drugs within professional sport, and to implement this by the 2016 Olympic Games.

“I can’t be bothered with all these scandals anymore,” said Committee President Jacques Rogge. “It’s getting on my nerves. If you can’t stop them, you may as well just let them do it.”

“It would be pretty awesome anyway, don’t you think? Watching athletes high of their faces flinging a massive great iron Frisbee across a field.”

The Committee will also look into creating new drug-only competitions. Leaks suggest these will include the 25 and the 50cm Snort, and also an event where competitors will attempt to insert the biggest bag of marijuana up into their colon.

The opportunity will also be used as a chance to reintroduce some old events that previously did not stand the test of time. Games that were once a part of the Olympics, but which over the course of history have been removed will be brought back, with a twist. Competitions such as poetry will be restored amongst the Olympic schedule of events, however competitors will first be fed a bag of magic mushrooms before writing.

“How amazing does that sound?” said Rogge.