Missing Christmas Tree Ran Away, Resented Being Forced to Dress in Tinsel

The missing Christmas tree from outside Seaview Hotel has come forward, declaring that he was not stolen but in fact fled from a home full of intolerable abuse.

The tree was declared stolen on Monday and last night turned up at Ventnor Botanic Gardens seeking refuge. Speaking to attendants at the gardens visitor centre the tree, who wished to be called Clive, divulged the series of horrifying ordeals which he had been put through since his purchase at the beginning of December.

“They made me stand naked outside their hotel in the freezing cold recounted a teary-eyed Clive, then they made me dress up in sparkly tinsel, it barely covered me. They hung little ornaments off my naked limbs and put these bright lights on me so that everyone could see.”

The horror for Clive did not stop there.

“For a while I was alone, I thought I might just be able to wait this out. Then they came. They formed this circle around me, all of them holding hands. Suddenly they burst into song and began to sway gently to and fro, it was horrifying!”

Clive was obviously very disturbed by the events, but was more concerned with the issue of widespread Christmas tree abuse. Especially at this time of year

“I am not the most masculine Christmas tree, but to be made to dress up like that was so demeaning. I managed to escape and they have been treating me well here at the Botanic Gardens, however I am worried about the treatment of other Christmas trees across the Isle of Wight.”

If you know of, or suspect the abuse of a Christmas tree in your area please notify your local garden store or park authority.