Island Echo Investigate Punctured Tyre Mafia Involvement Suspected

First on scene yesterday at the site of a punctured tyre, Island Echo journalists suspect that what they are describing as possibly the most grievous and disturbing incident of the past 250 seconds may be the work of the Sicilian Mafia.

It is not known who is to blame for the punctured tyre, though sensationalist Island Echo journalists are happy to suggest that the puncture could possibly be part of a massive drug-invasion by the Sicilian Mafia.

Interviewing one paranoid, delusional lady named Bertha, an eyewitness to the scene from behind the curtain of here living-room window, the Echo reported:

“Once again your 24/7, 365 days-a-year, 86400 seconds-a-day news source was first on scene (quiet! its not suspicious). 

We were able to interview one eyewitness to the incident; an incident so shocking our blood curdled with fear the second we laid our eyes upon it.

I saw them do it, I see them there at twenty-two seconds past five o clock every morning, said Bertha I know its them. They want my good silverware, those bloody Sicilians. Theyll do anything to get it, but we wont let them, will we precious?

It is not known how many fatalities there are as a result of this shocking incident as the emergency services refuse talk to us, we are left only to speculate which we will.“

Bertha had recently been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. Fortunately, by Island Echo standards, she therefore counts as two eyewitnesses, making her account twice as believable.

The Sicilian Mafia have been unable to verify this grandiose claim, along with any other credible source.