Gove To Make GCSE Curriculum Everything Churchill
Chief Whip Michael Gove addresses delegates at the Conservative Party annual conference in the International Convention Centre, Birmingham.
Education Minister Michael Gove has announced that GCSEs will now centre completely around the works of Winston Churchill.
The new Everything Churchill approach will attempt to educate UK children in the only thing that really matters about British history, Winston Churchill.
“If it isnt written by or about Winston or Winny as I like to call him then honestly what is the point in it?” said Mr Gove whilst sporting his favourite Winston Churchill t-shirt and smoking a large cigar.
The usual list of works for English literature will be replaced by a compendium of Winston Churchills quotes, which pupils will be expected to memorise cover to cover.
History classes will aim to address the question Why is Winston Churchill the best person ever?
Art classes will teach pupils how to paint and draw Winston Churchill in a variety of poses ranging from regal to erotic, which they will be encouraged to hang on their walls at home.
“Winston Churchill is all that matters. He is everything you want in a man but are just too afraid to love. Strong, intelligent, smart, sexy”, sighed Mr Gove as he puffed his cigar and gazed out of a window. “That is what our children need to aspire to be.”