Ventnor Residents to be Replaced by Syrian Refugees

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has announced that 1500 residents of the Islands seaside town of Ventnor will be replaced by an equal number of Syrian refugees entering the United Kingdom.

Following on from declaring that the UK would grant 1500 Syrian refugees asylum, the Deputy PM has announced a solution to the problem of where in the country they are to be relocated.

Lucky Ventnor residents like Sarah Marks and Donald Dubin, titled Victims, will be selected by lottery.

“We feel that in order to successfully integrate the refugees into British society they must first be located somewhere which holds a sense of familiarity”, said Clegg. “That is why we settled upon Ventnor, an dilapidated and underdeveloped, yet environmentally beautiful, society.”

In order to prevent any overcrowding an equal number of Ventnor residents will be selected to leave the country, taking their respective refugees place within the Syrian capital of Damascus.

Residents will be selected at random by lottery. The machine used will be Galahad, set of balls number 13.

“This is a stunning opportunity for both parties”, said Clegg. “Ventnorians will finally be able to get off the Island, and Syrian refugees will be able to experience Sorry, what was that Mr Cameron sir? Yes of course I will sir. Who am I talking to? Just friends. No-no of course I havent forgotten about your 11 o clock candlelit massage, Ill go fetch the oils. Im sorry, I really have to go.”