NSA Disgusted by Isle of Wight Online Activity
Americas official body for internet stalking, the National Security Agency, has concluded after years of painstaking illegal activity that they are downright shocked by how disgusting Isle of Wight residents are inside the online universe.
Having negotiated with Google to release the Isle of Wights search history, the NSA (along with Britains GCHQ), have expressed their disgust at Island residents in a public statement.
“We first began tracking Isle of Wight internet activity in 2007”, said NSA officer Brett Johnson. “As an isolated, forgotten community we had suspected terrorist activity for years.”
Isle of Wights most popular search terms.
“What we expected to discover was the usual terroristy-conspiracy stuff: how to dress as a terrorist, how to build grenades, where to buy grenades etc.” said Johnson. “What we got instead was something much more sordid and disgusting than we ever imagined.”
Released by Google to the NSA and GCHQ in exchange for the abolition of general political freedom and a pack of Maryland Cookies, the report contains the Isle of Wights top-ten search terms since Island residents realised they had access to the internet:
- Jeremy Clarkson sex doll
- Best fast food restaurant for a first date
- Is turkey a country or a bird?
- Is it okay to tattoo your pets?
- Selling organs on Ebay
- Converting shopping trolley into childs pram
- How to leopard print your home
- Jim Davidson boxset
- Capital punishment DIY