Isle of Wight Legalises Paracetamol

In a controversial move, the Isle of Wight has passed a motion which will legalise the production, possession, and consumption of paracetamol.

The law will allow all registered Isle of Wight residents to purchase up to four packs of paracetamol per month from Isle of Wight Council-approved chemists. Users will also be allowed to join paracetamol clubs as a safe place to consume the drug.

It is hoped that this radical move will help clamp down on the seedy underground black market, which has been spiralling out of control since prohibition on paracetamol began in 1949.

“We have been fighting the war on paracetamol for decades now, and to no avail,” said Chief Prohibition Officer, Elliot Mess. “It has become such a headache for us.”

Recently the underground paracetamol trade has been thriving, and fears that the Drug Barons in charge are exerting increasing control over the Island economy has been growing.

This risky move hopes to bring paracetamol use under monitored council control, attempting to puncture the wheels of the illegal drug-trade.

Many cafés across the Island are gearing up to convert themselves into Paracetamol Cafés, which will become places where non-Isle of Wight residents will be able consume paracetamol legally.

Many are worried that this move will convert the Island into a hotspot for paracetamol tourists. Others are just thankful that they do not have to live a life in the shadows anymore.

“I have been taking between two and four paracetamol a day since I was 18.” said Brenda Toke. “I was at a party and had been experiencing terrible headaches. A friend offered me a couple, it was just a bit of fun. This will finally mean that I can openly manage my habit alongside my life.”