Island to Crack Down on Worrying Levels of Excitement

Post-summer conditions have been a subject of concern for Island authorities, and plans have been made to clamp down on what is described by the leader of the Isle of Wight Council as worrying levels of excitement within the Isle of Wight population.

The usual return to everyone’s dull, drab, boring lives in the aftermath of the Islands summer festival season, has not occurred.

“Instead what we are experiencing is a spate of smaller festivals and social gatherings. In the run up to Christmas, this is something of a cause for concern.” said Council Leader, Cllr Flangellion.

The levels of excitement detail something of which the Island has never before experienced. One survey estimates that between 20-25% of the Isle of Wight population ate a colourful dessert in the last week.

Island authorities are preparing to move in on the unwanted festivities. Curfews will be enforced across much of the Island, and those seen to be inspiring more than moderate levels of glee will be issued formal warnings. Stricter penalties are to be taken against ringleaders perceived to be generating excitement en-masse.

Is this too much too late though?

There are fears within the Isle of Wight Council that the Island infrastructure will buckle under the weight of excitement.

“We are just not equipped for this kind of fun”, say Cllr Flangellion. “We just about handled the summer season, the autumns long period of boredom and depression is needed to brace ourselves for Christmas.”

Eyewitness reports already detail worrying scenes that describe happiness and joy sweeping across the Island in a season that should be filled with greys and misery.

Several witnesses have reported sightings of a child laughing underneath a conker tree within the Brading area. It is not known whether the child is still there or if s/he has been detained by the police for questioning. We can only hope they will face justice.