Scientists: ‘Eat More Fruit, Be Less Fat’

The more fruit and vegetables you eat, the less fat and disgusting you could be.

The world of science this week was forced to rethink previously accepted views on health and nutrition after the publication of a report from University College London recommended eating more fruit and veg as a solution to reducing the number of postcodes being registered by UK residents waistbands.

The report concluded that the consumption of more than the currently recommended five-a-day portions of fruit and veg directly correlated with a reduction in big bones, glandular problems, a slow metabolism, and general laziness in the test sample.

“We have been working for years to try and find a quantifiable link between healthy foods and good health”, explained Professor Plum of UCL. “Some would say our conclusion is obvious, to them we say yes, yes it is.”

Speaking out from beneath one of his undisclosed number of chins Island resident Henry Gloomp expressed his shock.

“I had no idea this was where I have been going wrong, wheezed Gloomp. Who knew consuming more fruit and veg instead of showering myself in pies and TV dinners could help me get that perfect beach body, just in time for summer.”

Hopes are the information may lead to a reduction in obesity and an eventually end the usual evening struggle to make it up a single flight of stairs without a snack break or being forced to stop for dinner.