UKIP To End European Weather Decisions
United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) leader Nigel Farage has promised to end bad weather allegedly caused by European Union membership.
“For too long has British weather been decided in the halls of Brussels”, said Mr Farage as he quaffed away at a jolly good pint of British stout. “It is time to stop the recent influx of European weather conditions into this country.”
Following a landslide victory in European Parliament elections the UKIP leader will attempt to bring sovereignty over UK weather back to Whitehall.
Mr Farage maintains that poor weather conditions across the UK, along with everything else bad happening right now, is a result of Britains membership with the European Union.
“European membership has resulted in British citizens losing basic human rights”, said Mr Farage. “Every British citizen has a right to barbecue wearing flip-flops, cargo shorts, and a vest whilst licking away at a Mr Whippy. I will not let Europe take that away from us.”
After weather Mr Farage aims to tackle the Europeanization of school dinners, promising to bring back true British blandness to the menus.