Labour Government Write off Isle of Wight as a Loss

In a bid to balance the swelling government debt inherited from the outgoing Conservative government PM Keir Starmer has instructed accountants to write off the Island as a loss.

Mounting public debt and pressure to invest in public services has pushed the new government into exploring radical cost saving measures to fund their manifesto promises.

“Well you know, it’s a lovely place and everything. But will it be any less lovely if we just strike the place off as a tax-deductible loss and leave them to their own devices?” said Prime Minister Keir Starmer. “Let’s say no.”

The Labour government have blamed the outgoing Conservatives for forcing them to make the radical decision. In an exclusive snap interview we asked ex-PM Rishi Sunak for his comment:

“I’ve always said, do what you do best,” proclaimed Mr Sunak, from atop the latest tower installed on his Cotswold estate. “And for me that’s making sure I get that sweet cash money in my pocket. Sorry about all the debt fuckwads, ta-ta!”.