Isle of Wight Council Employ Approximately 100 Ducks to Tackle Lockdown Breaches

Responding to fears that large numbers of people intend to ignore the rules of the latest lockdown the Isle of Wight Council have recruited the help of approximately 100 ducks to act as COVID-surveillance officers.

The Ducks will take up their positions immediately and will wander entirely at random across the island. It is hoped that this will make it impossible for those ignoring lockdown restrictions to anticipate when they might arrive.

It is hoped that a large congregation of ducks descending towards anyone breaching the rules will be intimidating enough to return them to their homes.

After being questioned on the logic behind the decision an Isle of Wight Council spokesperson offered the following statement:

“We have no more money left, so we got creative. The guys got together, we had a root around the offices, and we found a lot of stale bread in the kitchen and some frozen peas in the freezer. Ducks love that shit you know? We just followed where the resources led us.”