Five Last Minute Gift Ideas For People You Don’t Care About this Christmas
Less than five days to go before Christmas this year. You still haven’t bought a present for that cousin you never see who keeps sending you something each year so you’re morally obliged to send one back. Or that couple you used to be friends with until they had a baby and disappeared. Or your father-in-law who probably likes things but what the hell are they?
Well worry no-more. Here are five delightfully vanilla present ideas you can buy at the last minute and absolutely expect an overly polite smile and “that’s very nice, thank you” in response.
1. Rebrand that jar of homemade chutney your aunt gave you last year
You know the one. It’s been sitting at the back of your cupboard for the last 360days. You said you’d open it on New Years Eve when people came round for cheese and crackers, but then you didn’t. Now it’s all but forgotten, but you can give it purpose once more.
Find a label, write “Lovingly Homemade Chutney” then carefully paste that over the top of the original. If there is one rule for Christmas presents it’s this: you can’t openly criticise something if it’s homemade.
2. Gift Cards/Vouchers
For those of you that want to fulfil your social duty whilst also passive aggressively saying: “I know s*** all about you but I am pretty sure you like things, sort the rest out yourself”.
3. A HILARIOUS t-shirt
Nothing quite says “I have a sense of humour, deal with it” than wearing a t-shirt with a zany slogan and a totally WILD picture accompanying it.
Maybe a classic like “who needs hair with a body like this?” for you bald uncle; or “I don’t age I just level up” for that guy you think likes video games; or how about “it’s okay if you don’t agree with me I can’t force you to be right” for that argumentative prick of a cousin. Basically anything that relies on outdated clichés or highlights the insecurities of the recipient is perfect.
4. Food Bank vouchers
The country has been driven into a virus-ridden economic mess. So let’s face it, chances are they will soon need these.
5. An empty picture frame
This is something that perfectly says “we don’t have any pleasant memories together but I was forced to buy you something for Christmas anyway”.