Boris Johnson Confirmed He Didn’t Really Know What He Would End Up Saying Before COVID Briefings

The COVID-era Prime Minister revealed in an exclusive interview with the Island Muffin that he had absolutely no idea what he was going to announce in the minutes running up to the COVID briefings.

“Bleughbbbb-brum-brum,” blustered Mr Johnson when we questioned him. “Well you know how these picnic blankets unfold don’t you? Sometimes you just have to fly by the seat of your pantaloons and wait to see what bubbles out of the top of the old talk pipe.”

In fact, it turns out that there was no real plan in place at all. All science experts were instructed to wait for the improvisational genius of Mr Johnson to direct the public via his announcements and then simply react to whatever his plans turned out to be that day.

“Ruddy good show as well if I say so myself,” continued Mr Johnson. “Why are you looking at me like that? You appear to be like a cat who slurped a soured yoghurt. It’s not like anyone died is it? Well I almost did, but perseverance and all that, push through over the top. I survived, HUZZAH!”