Nothing you read on The Isle of Wight Muffin is to be taken seriously. Only an idiot would mistake a spoof news story for the truth (hello China).
We were always taught to take life with a pinch of salt. To aid those confused I have created a ratio for you to follow regarding the amount of salt to be taken with each news story read:
1:50
Where 1 is the news story and 50 is the number of pinches of salt required. Here it is in chart form:
If you do follow this, please stay hydrated. For those who do take offence, please feel to visit the contact us page for information on how you will be ignored.