Island Goes Back To Bed After Headline Shock

Emergency services, the Isle of Wight Council, and The Samaritans were inundated with calls from panic-stricken residents yesterday after reports suggested something had happened on the Isle of Wight.

The Isle of Wight County Press reported online in a headline that read: Something has actually happened on the Isle of Wight! but offered no further explanation.

Anxious callers jammed phone-lines wanting to know if they should stay in-doors, evacuate to the mainland, or simply kill themselves and have done with it.

A statement was issued later from the editor of the paper, apologising for the headline.

I can confirm that the headline which appeared yesterday was in fact a hoax, explained editor Johnathon Picketting. I would like to apologise sincerely to Islanders for any anxiety, or incontinence, caused as a result.

The rogue headline was revealed to have been posted by an excitable trainee reporter.

The unnamed journalist had been despatched to Sandown to cover the opening of their new Isle of Wight Paper-Clips Museum and the eagerly awaited annual Turnip Festival in Godshill.

Having realised the lack of anything notable to report, the Island reporter broke into a local convenience store and stole three bottles of White Lightning cider before returning to the press office to type up his resignation letter and publish the headline.

We urge residents not to worry, assured the editor. The reporter has been adequately thrashed and absolutely nothing is happening across the Island as usual.