Council Advise Against “Voyage of the Damned” Ferry Crossings

A study published by the Isle of Wight College has revealed that travel over the Solent, considered a necessarily evil by some Island residents, actually causes an erosion of the soul.

In news that comes as no surprise to more traditionally-minded Isle of Wight inhabitants, frequent passage to the coastal dens of depravity known as South-harmton, Lie-mington and Poxsmouth (twinned with Hell) will eventually leave a ferry user as nothing more than an empty husk.

The study published in the latest Isle of Wight College quarterly journal describes in detail how on top of the already hefty price of a single or return ticket, a commuter is unknowingly required to hand over a small portion of their soul.

“I don’t know what the fuss is about, I feel fine, said regular commuter Barry Phillips. Anyway, a connection to the mainland is vital to keep our economy afloat”.

Further comment from Mr Phillips was rendered inaudible by the buzzing of flies as his fellow damned souls dragged him into the abyss.

If travel over the Solent must be undertaken, the Isle of Wight Council has recommended that travelers anoint themselves in the locally-produced Oil of Wight prior to departure.

In other news, the council has launched a campaign aimed at raising awareness of the risks posed by sneezing, namely causing the soul to escape the body through the mouth. Citizens are asked to remain vigilant, and always offer a “bless you” to others as a safety precaution.

Residents concerned about the state of their immortal souls are advised to seek an appointment with their local pox doctor immediately.